I’m a Bread Winner! or How I Pinched a Loaf

*ta, ta ta ta*  HEAR YE, HEAR YE!  All ye lords and ladies, gather around for a momentous tale of adventure, wit, skill, and kitchen appliances!  Hear ye, hear ye!  *ta, ta ta ta*

And now, without further ado, I present to the court your own Royal Highness’ first episode with her knight in shining armor, her Kitchen Aid Mixer!

I admit…my first interaction with the yet-unnamed Knight was risky and bold:  I planned to make two loaves of cinnamon bread in a machine I had never worked with before.  PLUS, I also wanted to bake 3 dozens cookies while the loaves were rising.  Pretty ambitious for a Kitchen Aid virgin.

I rolled my sleeves up, donned my apron, and set to work.  I was all a-twitter with excitement.  After carefully melting a butter/milk/sugar/salt mixture on the stove, I added that to some dissolved yeast, waiting patiently for me in my brand new mixing bowl.

I happen to love that picture, because it combines two of my loves this Christmas:  my new camera, and my new appliance.  So much love in one photo…I can’t bear it!

Turning the mixer on was like magic.  I stood there, watching the bread hook weave in and out of my dough, and I was transfixed:  this was really my mixer.  I was making bread.  Me!  A bread maker!

Ten minutes later, I was the proud owner of one ripe, perfect mound of dough (nope, you really can’t make a lump of dough sound any more appealing of that…trust me…I sat here for about 5 minutes trying to think up adjectives to make it sound more tantalizing.  You really can’t).

Then, the hard part comes:  the waiting.  You must now allow your dough to rise for 1 hour…60 minutes…360 seconds of waiting, waiting, waiting.  I could have gone and played with my new Rock Band keyboard, but nay!  I was having too much fun.  Onward to baked glory!

Next up to bat:  snowball cookies.  I have made these delicacies two times during the holiday season, and they are always a hit with any audience.  Personally, they remind me of my Italian grandmother’s snowball cookies growing up, but these add a slight twist:  mini chocolate chips, from the Nestle Very Best Baking website.

Within minutes, I had a beautiful cookie batter with walnuts and chips mixed in, ready for eternal glory on non-stick baking sheets.  Row after row of delicious batter was placed onto 3 sheets, with the aid of a new addition to my family.

A cookie scooper.  Nay, not an ice cream scooper converted for baking purposes…a real life cookie scooper.  It was paired with a convertible tablespoon measure as a wonderful Christmas gift from Uncle Lewis, who also hawked his stogie and toupee for a 6-piece bake set.  When a man loves a woman, he buys her jewelry.  When a man REALLY loves a woman, he buys her bakeware.

Now, herein lies the real temptation of baking…something I greatly struggle with:  to eat the batter, or NOT eat the batter?  That is the question.  The answer is elementary, my dear Watson…you stuff your face with the batter, and enjoy every moment of your gluttonous sacrifice.  Who doesn’t eat batter???

A round of dish washing, including mixing bowls, 2 spoons, a sifter, a sauce pan, a spatula, and 20 minutes later found me staring at rows and rows of lightly dusted orbs of wonder:

After drooling a bit and treating myself to a taste of my handiwork, I knew…it was time. Time to make the leap from ordinary baker to…bread maker.  2 loaves, 375 degrees, 40 minutes, no holds barred.

ARE…YOU…READY?

Et voila!  Cinnamon Bread! Two completely normal, perfect mounds of joy!  I couldn’t believe it!  It worked!  I was a real baker!

And, of course, as any proper dessert lover would know, you cannot simple serve bread on its own.  Oh no…you need….some dessert bling…

My bread, finally complete with vanilla glaze.  All with the help of my new Knight in Shining Armor, my Kitchen Aid mixer.  The End.

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What do you think, my salivating readers?  What moniker should be applied to My Knight?