This is an Un-Post

Nope.  No real posts here.

Nada.

Zilch.

Zip.

Zero.

If you’re looking for a real post, try Chase’s latest conversation with his two-year-old. Or Kuhlair’s blog, which features some really awesome pics of the Trevi Fountain in Rome. Or, heck…stumble on over to Clay’s site for an interesting article about Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson (if you can survive the eye rolls and disgusted sighs that you just did….honestly…it’s a great post).

But, alas…this is not a real post…this is an un-post…the by-product of a busy weekend, filled with rehearsals, voice lessons, vomiting dogs, baked burritos, snore-inducing sermons, Wal-Mart runs, and Moulin Rouge viewings.  I had every intent to write a post today…but, life just got in the way.

So, if a blogger intends to write a post in a forest, and no one sees a post, do they still get credit, hits, and a chance to be Freshly Pressed?!?  Ehh…probably not.

I was going to write you poetry, dear readers.  I was going to wax nostalgic about past trips to Italy and NYC.  I was going to write another Stick Figure Movie Reviewabout the cotton candy rom-com Letters to Juliet. But, instead I:

1.) Drank two huge glasses of wine

2.) Cleaned up pet stains on my carpets with Oxy-Clean

3.) Did the Saturday Night Fever dance move 37 times at a rehearsal

4.) Indulged in a Baja Chalupa from Taco Bell

5.) Wrote a to-do list while in church, “listening” to a sermon

6.) Steamed my laundry while listening to the recording of Dreamgirls

7.) Ate Baby Back Ribs flavored potato chips for dinner

So, as you can see, I had a massively productive weekend, and that, my friends, is why I cannot offer you anything substantive or worthwhile today.  What I can offer you is this:

It’s funny because the cat is wearing a hat!

Or this…

I bet he never leaves the house.

Or even this golden nugget…

Kind of a convenient place for a Lost-and-Found…

But I can, and will not, be able to offer you any worthwhile post today, featuring funny images, a recap of my weekend, and light banter between author and reader…

 

Wait…

 

 

Advertisement

The Nightmare Before Christmas

As the month of December rolls in like a lion, snow has begun to blanket the ground, carols are taking over the airwaves…and Christmas decoration abuse has begun.

Gone are the days where serene, tranquil white orbs of peace dotted the soft pines of trees and bushes.  Memories of candles lining each window with simple, elegant wooden reindeer mingling about snow-covered lawns are but a distant dream.  These shattered fantasies of tasteful décor were wrecked by one thing, and by one thing only:  inflation.

And I’m not talking about the epidemic that can really screw up our economy.  Nay, I’m talking about the type of inflation that can make Santa billow up to 2-stories tall with his entire entourage of eight tiny reindeer to boot.  Yes, that’s right…I’m talking about inflatable lawn ornaments.

Cue theme from Psycho...

When did my most cherished holiday become so gaudy?  How on Earth does a giant balloon Grinch win a place next to a lopsided Frosty the Snowman?  And, when these decorations aren’t full of air during the day, should little children really be forced to see a deflated Santa, lying pathetically prostrate on the ground?

He's gotta lay off the sauce...

“The Force is strong with this one…”

In an earlier post, I previously blogged about my affinity for Wegman’s Grocery Stores:  it is an ongoing love affair between shopper and supermarket that has spanned the test of time for nearly 8 years.  Wegman’s makes food even more exciting than it already is (how is that possible?!?), and I usually end up leaving the store with more in my cart than I intended to buy.  Cinnamon pumpkin cream cheese?? Sure! Add it to my cart!  Cranberry Spice Holiday bread?? Gladly purchased!

However, I also share a great deal of love for another Titan of the Supermarket Gods.  If Wegman’s makes food more exciting, then Wal-Mart makes buying items you didn’t even know you needed more exciting.  It is a clown car of random items that are, simultaneously, useful and cheap!  (And typically, unnecessary…I mean, c’mon…did I really need to buy a Thanksgiving Pilgrim Hat for my dog?  DON’T answer that.)

This purchase was TOTALLY justified...dog not included...

So, when I caught wind of a new Wal-Mart Super Center being built in our town, I was only too excited to make my initial pilgrimage to our shiny new Mecca.  Of course, I had my reservations:  would the new store’s status as a “Super Wal-Mart” detract from the items it offered?  Would it be mobbed with holiday shoppers?  And for God’s sake, would there still be an Ice-E machine?!?

And the Lord God said, let there be discount...

If there’s a sucker born every minute, Wal-Mart saw me coming a mile away…

How sad is it that I couldn’t even get past the main entryway without spending ten dollars?!?

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

Chocolate covered cherries…winter mint Hershey Kisses…a holiday mix of Reese’s PB Cups…and last, but certainly not least…the timeless Christmas staple…Three Variety Tin of Popcorn.

Tinned mirth for only $5.75

Like I said, Wal-Mart had my money in its pockets before I even showered this morning.  It has a dangerous pull over me…sort of like the Emperor’s control over Darth Vadar in Star Wars.

Search your feelings, you know them to be true...