I will be writing absolutely nothing of any worth this week!
NOTHING!
It's neon so it's official.
Don’t expect greatness this week, dear readers. Heck, don’t even expect mediocrity. This week, I’m going for rock bottom! No holds barred! I will work my hardest to turn out absolutely nothing worth reading!
A round of Mad Libs would produce better writing.
I’m pushing myself extremely hard this week to produce a few short posts that will not be award-winning, tear-inducing, nor smile-evoking. Any why am I working overtime to produce articles a 3-year-old could have written? Well, I’m glad that you asked!
Why I’m Not Writing Much This Week
(A.K.A. “Excuses, Excuses, Excuses”)
1.) I’m hyped up on Zicam, Benadryl, Ibuprofen, Robitussin, Throat Coat and Chocolate
I’m sick! Or rather, I’ve been sick since Thursday. What started off as a nagging head cold turned into a monster which has kept my energy low and my medicine cabinet occupied. I’ve been trying my best to rest and catch up on sleep, but life keeps chugging away…and my nose keeps running.
My typical writing time ranges anywhere from 10:00 PM-1:00 AM…not exactly a perfect time to be creative when you’re left nostril is plugged and your close friend Tylenol PM is urging you towards your pillow.
2.) I’m in a musical which opens this week!
If you’re even the tiniest familiar with theatre, you know that there are dozens of elements which go into the production of a show. After 2 months of rehearsal, the actors, stage crew, musicians, et al enter in to what we theatre folks call “Hell Week”, a.k.a “Tech Week.”
Tech Week: (noun) the four rehearsals leading up to opening night of a show; costumes, lighting, sound, microphones and pit musicians are all added during this week, causing anxiety, stress, nervous, breakdowns, tears, and hysterical whimpering to all involved; copious amounts of wine, beer, and/or sleep are needed during this time
So, as you can assume, my #1 Reason for not blogging a lot this week does NOT go well with my #2 Reason. Being sick during a tech week is like having to do jury duty while you’re giving birth. It’s ain’t pretty.
Plus, my voice has dropped nearly an octave…I sound like a drag queen after a really rough evening involving alcohol, string cheese, and a Super Soaker gun…don’t ask. Because my part in the show requires a lot of singing, I’ve gotta rest up for opening night on Thursday.
3.) I got a substitute teaching gig!
Yep, that’s right! I got dealt some pretty lucky cards, and I will be filling in as a music sub on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday of this week. Which means that, on those days, from 7:20 AM –2:35 PM, I will be purposely adding more stress to my body on a week where it would much rather stay in bed and eat bon bons. Still, I’m not complaining! Work is work!
So there you have it! Three solid reasons why you may discover sub-par postings from me this week. I’m not dead, I haven’t moved to Hawaii (although I’d like to), I’m not on some secret CIA mission, and I’m not in rehab (Charlie Sheen beat me to it).
I apologize in advance on a commenting front as well: I’m purposely making myself take some time away from the computer in order to let my body get some decent sleep at night, which means that I won’t be reading many articles this week. Trust me, to quote from one of my favorite movies, The Godfather, “it’s not personal, it’s business.”
So, there you have it. Oh, and one more thing…
Leave the gun, take the cannoli…
Miracle on 32nd Street 