Public Service Announcement: Art of the Dutch Oven

Hello everyone. My name is Uncle Lewis and welcome to my first EVER blog post. As some of you know, I am a huge supporter of Aunt Bethany. I have known her for over 8 years and fall more and more in love with her with each day.

In a point of my life that is at its darkest, Aunt Bethany’s blog has been a ray of sunshine and a source of inspiration. I look forward every day to breaking away from my life just to read her thoughts and admire a woman who can do it all. This blog is another way to glance into the wonderful mind that is Aunt Bethany. I have constantly been impressed with her style of writing and her sense of humor. Reading the comments from all of you, I know I am not the only one.

We have tossed around the idea of me doing a guest post for some time, but I am NOT a writer, nor do I pretend to be. So, at the risk of having this post being horrendous, I give you a P.S.A. on the art of the “Dutch Oven”, in hopes it will make you smile and stick around while AB takes a much needed break. Don’t go far, she will return very soon, totally recharged and ready to wow us all with her intelligence and wit. For my part, I promise not to make this a habit!

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P.S.A. #2:  The Art of the Dutch Oven

Where did the term “Dutch Oven” come from?

A Dutch oven is a cast iron cooking pot with a tight-fitting lid. The heavy lid fits so well that steam cannot escape the pot while it is cooking. All the ingredients in the pot are cooked at the same time, trapping juices and aromas together while it bakes. According to Wikipedia, the Dutch were far more advanced than the English at cooking in this style. An Englishman named Abraham Darby went to the Netherlands and took this cooking style to America where it was patented.

Through the years, the term Dutch Oven has taken on a different meaning. The definition remains:  a chamber to seal in juices and aromas in an enclosed space…but the application has evolved.

The new wrinkle often appears when two people really love each other. There comes a point in a great relationship where the happy couple becomes very comfortable with each other. Walls are broken down, couples become more relaxed, and nothing can be hidden. So many wonderful things happen at this point in the relationship… and some NOT so wonderful things happen. There is one fact that seems to evade our thought process as a relationship evolves. Remember… everyone poops!

More than that, everyone toots.

I care not who you are…at some point air must come out of your body, and there are only two exits. So, when two people get comfortable enough with one another, they share even the deepest, darkest things. They have such a desire to share everything…even their aromas. Thus, the art of the Dutch Oven was born.

Again, according to Wikipedia, a Dutch Oven (a.k.a. a “covered wagon”), is a toot chamber created by pulling a blanket over someone’s head and breaking wind, typically not to the delight to the partner.

Depending on what type of food is consumed, you can name your Dutch Oven accordingly…examples include:

• White Castle Dutch Oven
• McDonalds Dutch Oven
• Bean Dip Dutch Oven
• Beer Dutch Oven (especially bad the next morning)
• Extra Hot Chicken Wings Dutch Oven

Sometimes Dutch Ovens are done on accident…sometimes they are done on purpose. The act is not only limited to just the bedroom… and it is not always at the expense of others. It is totally possible to Dutch Oven yourself!

Examples of places you can be sealed up in your own poison are:

• Space suits
• Deep sea diving suits
• Your own car
• In the doctor’s office while you wait for the doctor
• A cube or office at work.

I have heard rumors of shopping at “Bed Bath and Beyond” and being Dutched Oven by a loved one while walking down the aisles, but this is technically NOT a Dutch Oven because of the open air.

Both parties in a relationship are open game for such displays of love. In some cultures, once you Dutch Oven a loved one, you are technically considered married.

The most important thing to remember is that it is a display of love and devotion. It is a sign the relationship has taken a step in the right direction. It shows a level of comfort between two people, a level most couples strive to attain. It should be welcomed with open arms and intense cuddling afterward.

It should not be met with disdain or comments like:

“Uncle Lewis, that is just plain nasty, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

Or

“If you do that again, you are going to be sleeping on the couch.”

Or

“How can you tell me you love me then try to kill me?!?”

Remember, it’s the smell of love in the air….

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8 Things I Did on New Year’s Weekend

1.) Baked white chocolate cranberry/cherry cookies with the help of my new Kitchen Aid Mixer

After a lively debate via comments and suggestions to moi, I have declared a name for my lovely new, knight-in-shining-armor Kitchen Aid mixer…and that name is Lancelot.

Bob came up for such a name, and expertly defended his idea:

“I’m going to go with the obvious and say that you should name your fabulous mixer…Drum Roll Please….Lancelot! Lance rhymes with dance and celot looks like it rhymes with zealot. If I had a mixer that is what I would be. A dancing zealot. Whirling and twirling and dancing and singing and baking cookies galore. My kitchen would be a Broadway musical.”

Of course, every knight needs a full title.  Fellow blogger Pegoleg also suggested a moniker of “Sir Mix-A-Lot”, so, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen:  please welcome Sir Lancelot Mix-A-Lot to the family.

2.) Travelled to Pottery Barn (no, an ACTUAL pottery barn…full of pots)

My highlight of New Year’s Eve Day was a trip out to a local potter’s warehouse, which comprised 3 floors of pots, pots, and more pots.  Most of his wares ranged somewhere between $100 and $400, so I settled on a nice, single flower vase for about $20.  And a $7 magnet.  I’m a big spender.

3.) Sang and played oboe in a New Year’s Eve Broadway Gala

At our local playhouse, there is a traditional New Year’s Eve Gala held every year.  For the 2010-2011 crossover event, they presented a concert full of Broadway music, presenting over 100 performers who were all volunteer.  The event featured a full orchestra and a 70-member chorus, as well as several individual soloists.

I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off between the hours of 6-10 PM.  I had served as vocal director for this event, guiding the chorus with their material, and also subsequently became a member of their ranks come showtime.  I also played my oboe in the orchestra (correction, I squawked on my oboe in the orchestra), and I was lucky enough to have a vocal solo as well.

If anyone is familiar with musical theatre, a few of the pieces presented in the show included West Side Story Highlights, Phantom of the Opera Medley, “Agony” from Into the Woods, “I Know Where I’ve Been” from Hairspray, and my song, “Astonishing”, from Little Women.