All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth and a Kitchen Aid Mixer

I am not an inarticulate person.  I love words.  In fact, most of my close friends would agree that when prompted, I can wax on and on about almost anything, if I’m truly passionate about something.  Sometimes, if I’m really excited about dialoguing with someone, sentences often end with “and…”; I don’t realize I’m spewing until someone points out how an audio book on War and Peace could be performed with more brevity.

However, this morning…I was blind-sided and left speechless by an object of sheer euphoria and endless possibility….

I admit, I was completely thrown off-guard when The Mom dragged out a hulking box from under the tree this morning (and when I say dragged, I mean, dragged..like the Egyptians carrying large, massive blocks along miles and miles of desert to create an awe-inspiring pyramid…those blocks were probably smaller than this package).

The Mom looks better in a loin cloth, too.

It was gigantic, it was enormous, it was…beautiful.  What on earth could it be???  In the grand scheme of things, I had already had an amazing Christmas.  I was already owner of a brand-spanking new camera:  I could have re-wrapped it in its Best Buy packaging and opened it up again and again, in front of a captivated audience consisting of my mom and dad.  I could have even given up the traditional stocking gift of new underwear.

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Puppies for Christmas!

After a frantic, late-night packing session, a grueling, tedious, 45 minute drive home, and an equally frantic un-packing session, I am now, officially, home for the holidays.

I now have ample time to watch HGTV, eat copious amounts of dried fruit and cashews, tag all of my photos on my computer, AND catch up on my blogging.

I realize, in my preparation to make my “days be merry and bright,” that I’ve fallen behind with my RAC-centered posts.  I know I’ve got a ton to catch up on….plus, I know that I owe an apology to you all for not keeping up with them.  In an attempt to distract your attention away from the fact I haven’t posted about an RAC in 6 days, I will pair each of my RACs with a dastardly, adorable puppy.  You all get puppies for Christmas!  PUPPIES FOR EVERYONE!

SNL Weekend (RAC) Update

Welcome to your SNL Weekend RAC Update! Please welcome your guest hosts, Tiny Fey and–

(What?  We couldn’t get Ms. Fey and Mr. Fallon?!?  Why the hell not?  Budget concerns?  Mr. Fallon wanted to be paid in salmon? Okay, okay, you’ve got a point there…all right, give me two seconds…)

Welcome AGAIN to your Non-SNL Weekend RAC Update! Please welcome your host…..me!  Aunt Bethany!

Let’s get started!

Weekend RAC #1 was completed early Saturday morning before the clock struck 11 AM.  I wasn’t ambitious in my efforts, nor was I up at the crack of dawn scouting out Salvation Army buckets.  Nay, dear readers, the inevitable happened again:  I was stood up by a student for a voice lesson, yet AGAIN.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside!

HELP!

Send supplies, St. Bernard's, and Hugh Jackman.

This is an emergency alert!  For the past two days, I’ve been stuck in a 6-foot snow bank created from a massive, killer snow storm which has been attacking the area!  (No, really…check out MSNBC’s coverage of the event) With crude materials I’ve collected from my car, I’ve managed to make a rudimentary radio transmitter with an add-on EZ Bake Oven, Slinky, inflatable life boat, and a 50” Plasma TV, in hopes that my message may reach someone before I submit to frostbite and hypothermia.

I, of course, could not get my transmission up and running until today.  I’ve had to power my communication station with fuel power from burned Twinkies, empty bottles of Diet Coke, stale French fries from McDonald’s, and an errant midget who just happened to stumble into my snow bank.

Burn, Lollipop Guild, burn...

So, you see, dear readers, because of my misfortunate face-off with a blizzard, I was unable to create a new post for two days.  Truly…the only reason for no new updates was because I was stuck frozen in a ditch, unable to move or make contact with the outside world, a la Hans Solo frozen in Carbonite.

I bet HE wasn't freezing his bum off, though.

You believe me…right?!?

Thanksgiving-Palooza: Part Three

Our third Thanksgiving-Palooza post involves a recap of the past two RACs I’ve done yesterday and today.  Aunt Bethany here, and I will still be serving as your host for this post, and for the upcoming fourth and final entry to our Thanksgiving-Palooza series.

My Wednesday RAC was by no means anything spectacular.  It actually piggy-backed off of my Tuesday RAC, so, in many ways, it shouldn’t have counted.  Still, it’s an action I wouldn’t normally have done, so, it counts! RACs are kind of like horse shoes and hand grenades:  even if you’re close, it counts!

As I was picking up a Little Caesar’s Hot-N-Ready pizza on Wednesday, I was met by a rather pleasant and amiable cashier, who looked liked he had just faced a rather difficult rush of lunch orders.  Still, he approached the counter refreshed and with a smile on his face.  In fact, he even took the time mid-transaction to ask me how I was, a question which usually is placed at the front of conversation and without much thought.  “How are you today?” has become as normal as just saying “Hello” to someone…you do it without thinking, but just how much do you really wish to know how someone is?

So, hearing this question mid-conversation kind of threw me, in a good way.  I think I was so surprised to hear that come out of his mouth that I almost didn’t know how to respond.  I was able, however, to come up with something, because my hands eventually found their way to my wallet and handed $6.95 to the cashier.  “How are you?” goes” at the BEGINNING of the conversation, goddamnit!  Cannot compute, cannot compute, cannot compute…

I was just about to pick up my steaming box of goodness when I glanced down on the counter to spy a mostly empty tip jar staring back at me…

How can you say “no” to eyes like that?