What the #FF?!?: A Site, A Clip, and A Burger

Breathe easy, my friends…it’s Friday!  Because you’ve bravely survived the workweek, fed the kids, paid the bills, shoveled the snow, and listened to Britney Spears’ latest contribution, I’ve got a great What the #FF?!? feature for you today.

A Site

Yesterday, I dove further down the writing rabbit hole and took part in my very first writers’ workshop.  Mama Kat, over at Mama Kat’s Losin’ It, hosts a weekly forum for writers, which offers 4-5 writing prompts for her participants.  Not only is Mama Kat’s workshop an unbelievable contribution to the Blog-O-Sphere, but she runs an awesome website as well.  She’s funny, irreverent, and poignant in her posts…as she is in her photography, cartoons, videos, and letters to Ellen DeGeneres.  Plus, I’m just enthralled with her website design!  It reminds me of a luscious red velvet cupcake, with extra frosting and sprinkles on top.  She’s a blogger I really admire, and I aspire to become just like her someday…if I ever grow up.  She’s got writing chops, hysterical cartoons, elegant poetry, and a welcoming spirit which inspires and provokes great writing.

For her writing challenge, I took the prompt of “10 reasons I could never be friends with______” and waxed about my distaste for my fair-weather acquaintances, snowmen.  You can read the post here!

A Clip

Ever stumble upon something that simultaneously makes you go “What the?!” and “This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all month”? Jenny Slate, of SNL fame, created a short video clip with her director-boyfriend Dean Fleischer-Camp called “Marcel the Shell with Shoes On.” I really don’t need to say any more.  Just watch the clip, and get your Depends ready.

My favorite part is the lint.

I hang glide on a Dorito.  Go ahead.  You’re already picturing that little peanut sky surfing on a potato chip.  I can only hope and pray that they make more video clips of Marcel.  To learn more about his creation and his creators, click here.

A Burger

Have you ever been so moved by something that it makes you weep with tears of pure joy?  Have you ever known true bliss?  If you have, then I’m sure you’ve tasted a burger from Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

On Wednesday, I was preparing for yet another rehearsal across town, having eaten no dinner and expecting no meal until at least 10 PM.  My stomach was angry with me, I was cranky, and combustion seemed imminent…until Uncle Lewis brought me an offering from Five Guys.

 

Uncle Lewis:  I brought you a burger and fries

Aunt Bethany:  Great, I’ll eat it after yoga…wh-why are you staring at me like that?

Uncle Lewis:  You’re going to want to eat it now…*drool drool drool*

Aunt Bethany:  Why?  It’s just a burger, right?

 

WRONG!  It is not just a burger, dear friends:  it’s heaven in a wrapper.  When I finally sunk my teeth into my bacon cheeseburger, my mouth exploded with applause, and my stomach bowed down to Uncle Lewis.  Not only that, but they give you massive amounts of french fries (a staple in my diet).  When you open your bag, fries are scattered all over the place, as they’ve placed an extra scoop on top of your entire order.

CAUTION:  These meals are not for the faint of heart.  They feature a lot of grease, a lot of calories, and a lot of ecstasy.  You have been warned.  They also offer hot dogs and milkshakes.  Find your nearest Five Guys and run, I say, RUN to it.

So, go!  Eat!  Drink!  And be merry!  But whatever you do, have a great weekend!

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10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With A Snowman: Plinky Prompts Thursday

This week’s prompt comes straight from Mama Kat, who runs an awesome website over at www.mamakatslosinit.com.  Every Thursday, she hosts a Writer’s Workshop and offers weekly prompts to inspire creativity.  She then asks her readers to stop back at her site, post a link to your prompt-inspired article, and show some “comment love,” as she would call it.  It’s a wonderful contribution to the Blog-O-Sphere, and it has certainly caught on like wildfire.  You’ll be hearing more about Mama Kat later in the week in my What the #FF?!? Friday feature.

So, without further delay, I present to you the original prompt from Mama’s website…

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With…(fill in the blank)

…AND, my answer….

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10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends with A Snowman

10.) I’m all for originality and non-conformity, but I could never be a nudist. Snowmen brazenly stand in public, with nothing but a corn cob pipe and some coal buttons to cover their naughty parts.  At least Frosty sported a hat, but his “igloo” at the “South Pole” was still in plain sight, for all to see.

Photo from Terry Hart

9.) I refuse to go through any type of plastic surgery, while snowmen deem vegetables to be superior upgrades to their own noses.  Really, if you can’t love who you are, who can you love?

Photo from Ian Baker

8.) And speaking of loving who you are, snowmen are always losing/gaining weight!  They’re never satisfied of their appearance, and are always struggling to change it.  Sure, I’m all for staying healthy through exercise and proper nutrition, but you don’t need to change your appearance to appease someone!  Come February, they all start to look a little thinner…I say they’re just trying to shape up for bikini season.

Photo from Cartoon Stock

Stick Figure Movie Review: “The King’s Speech”

Welcome to the second installment of the Stick Figure Movie Review.  If you’re just tuning into our regularly scheduled programming, I will occasionally review a movie with the help of a faithful cast of stick figure actors, who are paid in cabbages and smelling salts (don’t worry, they have a great deal with their actor’s union).  Click here for the first installment of this series, which featured the big Oscar contender “Black Swan.”

Without further ado, I present to you the Stick Figure Movie Review of…

THE KING’S SPEECH

Our film tells the story of three fine and upstanding British actors, all who, at one point or another, have appeared in one of the 47 Harry Potter films to date.  Those refusing to appear in these movies will never win Oscars (I’m looking at YOU, Colin Firth…you’re lucky you appeared in Love, Actually).

Prince Albert, son of King George V, is cursed with a terrible stammering problem, which subsequently results in tremendous angst, whiny tantrums, and overly furrowed brows.  Tim Burton’s wife finds Prince Albert a speech therapist, Lionel Logue, who happens to be an actor, a pirate, AND Geoffrey Rush, all in one.

Prince Albert does not believe Logue can cure him of his speech disorder, but Logue perseveres, claiming he can fix his stammer through the use of expletives, Shakespeare, and Lady Gaga.

Stick Figure Movie Review: “Black Swan”

It’s a new year, and a new blog.  2011 has so far ushered in Plinky Prompts Thursday, What the #FF?!? Friday, and now, a new feature to Miracle on 32nd Street…the Stick Figure Movie Review!

Although these posts will not be day-specific, I hope to incorporate them into my blog as regular features.  I’ll be scoping out the latest and greatest movies to hit the silver screen, and fastidiously analyzing them through the use of an ensemble cast of faithful stick figures (they can be paid embarrassingly low salaries…like banana chips and YooHoo).

As a warning, I will strongly caution all readers about a big Spoiler Alert before each comic strip, as I may hit on key plot points and spoil the ending (unless we’re talking about Titanic, here…the ship will still sink regardless of how far you read).

So, without further Ado-be Acrobat Reader, I present to you…the Stick Figure Movie Review of…

BLACK SWAN

Nina Padme Sayers, an aspiring ballerina, yearns to make it big in the dance world by performing the role of the Swan Queen in Swan Lake.  Her over-protective mother, a former dancer, is just plain nuts..think like Mrs. Bates in Psycho.

Nina trains hard, day in and day out, to become the next prima ballerina.  She admires and respects the reigning ballet queen, Beth, who happens to be aging past her prime…and who also happens to be played by Ms. Winona “I Steal Things” Ryder.

To dance the role, Nina must embody both the innocent Swan Queen, AND her doppleganger evil twin, the Black Swan.  Nina believes she deserve the part of the Swan Queen, but her snooty French director doesn’t believe she can dance seductively enough.

What the #FF?!?: My First Follow Friday

Twitter, to all intents and purposes, is sort of like a secret society, which you are slowly inducted into through public humiliation and hazing.  Okay, maybe they don’t make you run through the streets naked while chanting “BANGARANG, RUFIO!”, but you certainly have to make a complete fool of yourself until you’re well-acquainted with the guidelines and slang terms of Twitter.

@….Mention…Re-Tweet…Tiny URL…Small URL…Hashtags…180 Characters…Trends…Following…Followers…Lists…DM…PM…and there’s probably a BM, too…the list goes on and on…

I pride myself in knowing almost all these terms, and today, I take that last step in becoming fully initiated in the Twitterverse:  I will finally use a hashtag, and I will know why.

Hashtags are applicable labels to your Tweets which sort of act like tags on blog posts.  They organize ideas/thoughts/trends/topics all over Twitter so that you can search for, say, #ripePeruvianmelons, or #ChristianBaleRants.  You simply apply a "”#”, or a hashtag, to your topic, and boom…instant organization.  You are now a responsible Tweeter.

Most topics are pretty straight forward (#parenting, #beverages, #movies).  However, there has been one hashtag that has continually perplexed me, and it’s time I put a stop to the madness.  I present for your examination…the elusive hashtag:

#FF

So, you’re probably asking “What the FF?!?”, especially those of you who do not Tweet or cannot Tweet due to a pre-existing medical condition.  “FF” stands for Follow Friday, Friend Follow, or even Followable Folks.  Allow me to open your eyes, ears, and other orifices to what #FF really means, through the use of a brilliant comic from my new favorite website, The Oatmeal (copyright Matthew Inman, 2010):