Archive for February, 2011

Public Service Announcement: Art of the Dutch Oven

Hello everyone. My name is Uncle Lewis and welcome to my first EVER blog post. As some of you know, I am a huge supporter of Aunt Bethany. I have known her for over 8 years and fall more and more in love with her with each day.

image

In a point of my life that is at its darkest, Aunt Bethany’s blog has been a ray of sunshine and a source of inspiration. I look forward every day to breaking away from my life just to read her thoughts and admire a woman who can do it all. This blog is another way to glance into the wonderful mind that is Aunt Bethany. I have constantly been impressed with her style of writing and her sense of humor. Reading the comments from all of you, I know I am not the only one.

We have tossed around the idea of me doing a guest post for some time, but I am NOT a writer, nor do I pretend to be. So, at the risk of having this post being horrendous, I give you a P.S.A. on the art of the “Dutch Oven”, in hopes it will make you smile and stick around while AB takes a much needed break. Don’t go far, she will return very soon, totally recharged and ready to wow us all with her intelligence and wit. For my part, I promise not to make this a habit!


P.S.A. #2:  The Art of the Dutch Oven

Where did the term “Dutch Oven” come from?

clip_image002A Dutch oven is a cast iron cooking pot with a tight-fitting lid. The heavy lid fits so well that steam cannot escape the pot while it is cooking. All the ingredients in the pot are cooked at the same time, trapping juices and aromas together while it bakes. According to Wikipedia, the Dutch were far more advanced than the English at cooking in this style. An Englishman named Abraham Darby went to the Netherlands and took this cooking style to America where it was patented.

Through the years, the term Dutch Oven has taken on a different meaning. The definition remains:  a chamber to seal in juices and aromas in an enclosed space…but the application has evolved.

The new wrinkle often appears when two people really love each other. There comes a point in a great relationship where the happy couple becomes very comfortable with each other. Walls are broken down, couples become more relaxed, and nothing can be hidden. So many wonderful things happen at this point in the relationship… and some NOT so wonderful things happen. There is one fact that seems to evade our thought process as a relationship evolves. Remember… everyone poops!clip_image004

More than that, everyone toots.

I care not who you are…at some point air must come out of your body, and there are only two exits. So, when two people get comfortable enough with one another, they share even the deepest, darkest things. They have such a desire to share everything…even their aromas. Thus, the art of the Dutch Oven was born.

Again, according to Wikipedia, a Dutch Oven (a.k.a. a “covered wagon”), is a toot chamber created by pulling a blanket over someone’s head and breaking wind, typically not to the delight to the partner.

Depending on what type of food is consumed, you can name your Dutch Oven accordingly…examples include:

  • White Castle Dutch Oven
  • McDonalds Dutch Oven
  • Bean Dip Dutch Oven
  • Beer Dutch Oven (especially bad the next morning)
  • Extra Hot Chicken Wings Dutch Oven

clip_image006

Sometimes Dutch Ovens are done on accident…sometimes they are done on purpose. The act is not only limited to just the bedroom… and it is not always at the expense of others. It is totally possible to Dutch Oven yourself!

clip_image008

Examples of places you can be sealed up in your own poison are:

  • Space suits
  • Deep sea diving suits
  • Your own car
  • In the doctor’s office while you wait for the doctor
  • A cube or office at work.

clip_image009I have heard rumors of shopping at “Bed Bath and Beyond” and being Dutched Oven by a loved one while walking down the aisles, but this is technically NOT a Dutch Oven because of the open air.

Both parties in a relationship are open game for such displays of love. In some cultures, once you Dutch Oven a loved one, you are technically considered married.

The most important thing to remember is that it is a display of love and devotion. It is a sign the relationship has taken a step in the right direction. It shows a level of comfort between two people, a level most couples strive to attain. It should be welcomed with open arms and intense cuddling afterward.

It should not be met with disdain or comments like:

“Uncle Lewis, that is just plain nasty, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

Or

“If you do that again, you are going to be sleeping on the couch.”

Or

“How can you tell me you love me then try to kill me?!?”

Remember, it’s the smell of love in the air….

Advertisements

I have a confession to make…

I will be writing absolutely nothing of any worth this week!

NOTHING!

image

It's neon so it's official.

Don’t expect greatness this week, dear readers.  Heck, don’t even expect mediocrity.  This week, I’m going for rock bottom!  No holds barred!  I will work my hardest to turn out absolutely nothing worth reading!

image

A round of Mad Libs would produce better writing.

I’m pushing myself extremely hard this week to produce a few short posts that will not be award-winning, tear-inducing, nor smile-evoking.  Any why am I working overtime to produce articles a 3-year-old could have written?  Well, I’m glad that you asked!

Why I’m Not Writing Much This Week

(A.K.A. “Excuses, Excuses, Excuses”)

1.) I’m hyped up on Zicam, Benadryl, Ibuprofen, Robitussin, Throat Coat and Chocolate

imageimageimageimageimageimage

I’m sick!  Or rather, I’ve been sick since Thursday.  What started off as a nagging head cold turned into a monster which has kept my energy low and my medicine cabinet occupied.  I’ve been trying my best to rest and catch up on sleep, but life keeps chugging away…and my nose keeps running.

My typical writing time ranges anywhere from 10:00 PM-1:00 AM…not exactly a perfect time to be creative when you’re left nostril is plugged and your close friend Tylenol PM is urging you towards your pillow.

2.) I’m in a musical which opens this week!

image

If you’re even the tiniest familiar with theatre, you know that there are dozens of elements which go into the production of a show.  After 2 months of rehearsal, the actors, stage crew, musicians, et al enter in to what we theatre folks call “Hell Week”, a.k.a “Tech Week.”

Tech Week: (noun) the four rehearsals leading up to opening night of a show; costumes, lighting, sound, microphones and  pit musicians are all added during this week, causing anxiety, stress, nervous, breakdowns, tears, and hysterical whimpering to all involved; copious amounts of wine, beer, and/or sleep are needed during this time

So, as you can assume, my #1 Reason for not blogging a lot this week does NOT go well with my #2 Reason.  Being sick during a tech week is like having to do jury duty while you’re giving birth.  It’s ain’t pretty.

Plus, my voice has dropped nearly an octave…I sound like a drag queen after a really rough evening involving alcohol, string cheese, and a Super Soaker gun…don’t ask.  Because my part in the show requires a lot of singing, I’ve gotta rest up for opening night on Thursday.

3.) I got a substitute teaching gig!

image

Yep, that’s right!  I got dealt some pretty lucky cards, and I will be filling in as a music sub on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday of this week.  Which means that, on those days,  from 7:20 AM –2:35 PM, I will be purposely adding more stress to my body on a week where it would much rather stay in bed and eat bon bons.  Still, I’m not complaining! Work is work!

So there you have it! Three solid reasons why you may discover sub-par postings from me this week.  I’m not dead, I haven’t moved to Hawaii (although I’d like to), I’m not on some secret CIA mission, and I’m not in rehab (Charlie Sheen beat me to it).

I apologize in advance on a commenting front as well:  I’m purposely making myself take some time away from the computer in order to let my body get some decent sleep at night, which means that I won’t be reading many articles this week.  Trust me, to quote from one of my favorite movies, The Godfather, “it’s not personal, it’s business.”

So, there you have it.  Oh, and one more thing…

Leave the gun, take the cannoli…

image