Baby, It’s Cold Outside!



Send supplies, St. Bernard's, and Hugh Jackman.

This is an emergency alert!  For the past two days, I’ve been stuck in a 6-foot snow bank created from a massive, killer snow storm which has been attacking the area!  (No, reallycheck out MSNBC’s coverage of the event) With crude materials I’ve collected from my car, I’ve managed to make a rudimentary radio transmitter with an add-on EZ Bake Oven, Slinky, inflatable life boat, and a 50” Plasma TV, in hopes that my message may reach someone before I submit to frostbite and hypothermia.

I, of course, could not get my transmission up and running until today.  I’ve had to power my communication station with fuel power from burned Twinkies, empty bottles of Diet Coke, stale French fries from McDonald’s, and an errant midget who just happened to stumble into my snow bank.


Burn, Lollipop Guild, burn...

So, you see, dear readers, because of my misfortunate face-off with a blizzard, I was unable to create a new post for two days.  Truly…the only reason for no new updates was because I was stuck frozen in a ditch, unable to move or make contact with the outside world, a la Hans Solo frozen in Carbonite.


I bet HE wasn't freezing his bum off, though.

You believe me…right?!?

Okay…so maybe I wasn’t stuck in a ditch somewhere, forced to burn Hostess Cupcakes to stay alive.  However, there was a snow storm in the area, which was MSNBC news-worthy.  But, Old Man Winter was not to blame for my lack of blog post….just me, myself, and I (but the story about being stuck in a ditch was oh-so-much more fun to tell).

So, although I cannot claim creation of a make-shift radio fabricated out of seat belts and midgets, I can tell you some stories from my weekend which may have contributed to the delay in posting.  Submitted for your approval to the Midnight Society…this is the Tale of the Scary Substitution…


The title music STILL creeps me out.

As many of my steadfast readers know, I’m currently appearing in a Christmas show at a local historic inn about 30 minutes away from where I live.  We do 7 shows a week, with two shows on Saturdays.  Because our show is not double-casted, it is extremely important that we all stay healthy and safe during December.  We have no understudies.  Do you see where this story is going?

On Saturday, during our 12:00 matinee performance, one of our cast members fell extremely ill…I mean, really, really ill…I don’t mean to jump ahead in the story, but she eventually found out that she was suffering from a version of vertigo (funny, I just thought vertigo was an Alfred Hitchcock movie)…


Not just a movie.

Turns out it’s a real ailment, because she was really suffering from it.  So much so that she was forced to go to a hospital for treatment.  By the time she left the inn around 4 PM, she was feeling better…but…our cast was now down one member…a member who just happened to play two parts.

During dinner, the cast and creative team had a pow-wow…who would cover her parts?  Would we have to cancel the show?  No, there would be no cancellation:  there were only 2 hours until the next show, and patrons had already started arriving.  As they say in the theatre, the show must go on.


"The show must go on."

To make a long story short, the composer of the show called his wife and she agreed to fill in for our missing cast member, seeing as how she had seen much of the creative process and knew of how the show was presented.  If you remember, however, our absent member played two parts within the show, so I, too, also volunteered to fill in for her, playing one of her two roles.

Pop Quiz! Between the hours of 4-6 PM, I:

a.) Fretted

b.) Worried

c.) Peed myself a little

d.) Studied and crammed lines/blocking/music like a fiend

e.) All of the above

The answer is obviously E, which also could be expanded to include a change of underwear.  Although I was familiar with her material, it still can make you quake in your boots to perform onstage in less than 2 hours in a completely new role…while performing your role as well.

I shan’t keep you in suspense…the night went off without a hitch.  It literally was like walking in someone else’s shoes for a night, because I had to don my sick cast mate’s dress AND wig for the role.  By the end of the evening, I was having an identity crisis.


I'll be whoever you want, if Matt Damon's saving me.

We got through Saturday night’s show without any major problems…there’s something to be said for cast mates who can so easily bond together to make something like that happen.  We also had to pinch-hit for Sunday’s matinee as well.  So, my normal blogging time (which conveniently fits somewhere before the show opens AND during a break in Act II) was somewhat interrupted this weekend…which is why, my dear readers, I submit to you, The Tale of the Scary Substitution, for your approval.


Am I not merciful?!?

Okay, if you’re not buying that as a good enough excuse…how about three new RACs???


Grandpa Joe would be proud!

All right then!  Three new RACs, it is!

I admit…my Sunday RAC was a last ditch effort.  My day was filled with a little church choir, a little blogging, a matinee performance, a little grocery shopping, and an hour long drive through the blustery December weather, which concluded with me promptly passing out on the couch.  By the time I even thought about doing an RAC, it was already 11:30 PM.

What to do?, I thought.  What could I manage in a half hour that wouldn’t feel like it was a cop-out RAC?

What I did manage to do took me all of 5 minutes, and is something that is easily done.

Step One:  Direct your browser to

Step Two:  Click on the tab “Ways to Give”

Step Three:  Click on the “Monetary” icon

Step Four:  Follow the steps to give an online donation

Easy as pie!  You can give any amount, no matter how small, and on Sunday, I transferred a mere $5.00 from my bank account to someone’s Red Bucket somewhere (minus the annoying bells ringing in the background and irritating mall shoppers).

$5.00 isn’t a great amount for a donation…but just think…if everyone that read this blog donated the same amount…even if it’s just The Mom…that still helps someone, somewhere, with something.

My second RAC found me buying a friend a cup of Tim Horton’s Supreme Hot Chocolate.  If you’re unfamiliar with this type of beverage, you combine hot chocolate, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, two dollops of paradise and one serving of Heaven’s Nectar (and Heaven’s Nectar is low in fat!).  To summarize:  yum.

My friend fought me on this purchase because he insisted I already had filled my RAC quotient for the day.  I had purchased lunch for us as well, but I persist that this was an action I would gladly and willingly do any time, any day for this friend.  The RAC must be something you would not normally engage in, which, in this context, meant that I must step outside of my comfort zone and caffeinate my friend.  He gave in and obliged to drink the entire drink…how kind of him.

Stick with me, friends!  Two RACs down, one more to go!

Picture It:  it’s 10:45 AM.  In precisely one hour, you will have to trek out through the bitter cold and slushy snow to arrive at your theatre for call time.  By 11:45 AM, you must shower, change, apply makeup, and make some semblance of hair from the rat’s next currently sitting upon your head.  It will take you one hour to do all of the above.  Do you:

a.) Shower, change, apply makeup, and do your hair?


b.) Bake cookies unexpectedly for cast members to enjoy?

What’s that?  You answered A?  I’m sorry!  It was actually a trick question…the correct answer was c.)  all of the above!

Yes, that’s correct.  Somehow, in the span of one hour, I showered, creamed butter, applied makeup, beat dough, dressed myself, mixed in chocolate morsels, grabbed my theatre gear, and baked 45 cookies (and yes, it actually was in that order).

I traditionally make cookies for the cast to enjoy throughout the week, and honestly, if I had waited a day or two to present them with baked goods, no one would have minded a bit.  I was running out of time this morning, and the hitting the Easy Button would have just urged me to shower, dress, and be on my way.


Touch it...

But, of course, who wants to hit the Easy Button?

So, this morning, I’m fairly certain I qualified for the Guinness Book of World Records, as I made the quickest batch of cookies known to man.  My last tray of piping hot Chocolate Dream Cookies were coming out of the oven at 11:42 AM, and I was out the door, out of another snow bank, and on the road by 11:45 AM.

And you know what?  Those were some of the best cookies I’ve ever made, if I do say so myself.  Perhaps breaking a sweat is what you need to make great cookies!  Power Baking! Hmm, I think I’ve developed a new fitness trend…except I’m sure licking the bowl counteracts every calorie you’d burn…ah, well!  Back to the drawing board!

RACs # 37, 38, 39: Donated to the Salvation Army; bought a friend hot chocolate; baked cookies for cast members


22 responses to this post.

  1. I think you should come and hang out with me so you know what cold truly is 😉
    Well done on the RAC! I don’t believe you can give too much. Make your friend fork over lol


  2. Posted by fnkybee on December 8, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Haha! This cracked me up! I hope the snow lets up for you! Let me know if you need more fuel..I will send more twinkies!


  3. Wow, we’re so close but you must be on the wrong side of I-80. Sorry to hear that you were turned into carbonite. Blizzards are jerks. I might be able to get to you in time in the future. After all, I drive a Ford Focus and I’m pretty sure it has some type of magical powers. Not the same powers as Shera’s magic horse but more like something out of the Matrix. Saavy move surviving by Easy Bake.


    • I have converted the Easy Bake Oven into a weather-control device, and it’s now 80 degrees and sunny this side of I90! I will look for Shera’s horse if he happens on by and hand him a margarita! Cha cha cha!


  4. It seems like it’s cold everywhere! Thanks goodness there’s no snow down here in SW Missouri yet. Just stay where you are for now. I’ll try and send help come the spring thaw. 🙂


  5. Posted by Uncle Lewis on December 8, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    All of this time … you were stuck? You never mentioned Monday… were you trapped in a horrible place?


  6. It’s never acceptable to burn Twinkies. Never. Don’t scare me like that.

    That’s a lot of snow. I love the part about sending supplies and Hugh Jackman.


  7. All midgets seem to be errant and stumble into snow banks. It’s in their little DNA to do so.



    PS I love your sense of humor.


  8. ……

    im really ” feelin” your page…


  9. sharp aquos 32…



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  11. As soon as I initially commented I clicked the Notify me any time new comments are added checkbox and currently every time a remark is added I get 4 emails with the same comment.


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