Oh-Woe-Is-Me-Day: (n.) a dreary, depressing day where the victim is prone to spontaneous crying and bouts of self-pity; the victim may attempt to fish for compliments, wall herself up in her own apartment, and imbibe an entire bottle of Little Penguin Shiraz in the span of 3 hours; causes of such a day may include irritating co-workers, break-ups on Christmas (true story), continued “Single” status on Facebook, no time to pee, the Apocalypse, losing a limb, and/or decapitation; remedies may include several episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, a hot bubble bath, phone calls to The Mom, and either the Hallmark or Lifetime channel; Oprah works, too.
Needless to say, yesterday found me battling against such a day. I struggled through a long day of student teaching, rushed home to teach 5 voice lessons over the span of 3 hours, and dealt with some personal issues to put a nice bow on the fantastic present that was Thursday. Oh, and my dog threw up in my bed. Thanks, Bailey…
All in all, though, my day really wasn’t that bad. Many, many, many worse things could have happened, and for that fact, I am grateful. I am healthy. I have all my fingers. And teeth. That alone is a cause for celebration!
So, by 7:00 PM, I threw off the stresses of my day and indulged in pasta, red wine, and a bubble bath (not at the same time, although my wine glass did accompany me to my “spa”…I have jacuzzi jets in my tub!) I even brought along my phone to call up The Mom.
Carbs + Alcohol + Mr. Bubbles + The Mom = Therapy
Little did I know my tranquil rehabilitation would be interrupted by an evil previously thought vanquished from my life. What kind of monster attempts to get a hold of me through The Mom?
The Mom: …well, if it’s late, I don’t want you driving home (frequent topic of our conversation). Oh! By the way…guess who called here looking for you?
The Mom: The New York Philharmonic…
No! Not the New York Philharmonic! To quote from the movie Hook: “My great and worthy opponent!”
The impertinence! The audacity! The gall! How outrageous! Their tenacious pursuit of my funds appalls and awes me at the same time. They are a force not to be trifled with. For our viewers just tuning in to programming, you are welcome to view my first post here, detailing about my initial interactions with New York Phil telemarketers. They are a foul breed of vermin, persistent in their quest to deplete me, Ms. Poor Starving College Student, of my funds. And now, they’ve gone and solicited my family for information under pain of death! How dare they!
My conversation with The Mom continued…
The Mom: They are really trying to find you. Apparently, they don’t have a current address on file. I gave them your cell number. They might be trying to call you to—
Oh, delicious rapture…oh, sweet joy…my RAC for the day! Again, I would be thrown head-first into battle, locking horns with none other than a New York Philharmonic telemarketer. I told The Mom, much to her disbelief, that I had to field this call. She was somewhat confused by my eager tone of voice when I put her on hold to talk to a telemarketer. I was probably too bubbly when I answered her call. This was encouraged by the fact that I was still sitting amidst bubbles in my bath.
Mindy: Hi, my name is Mindy, and I’m calling on behalf of the New York Philharmonic.
Mindy?!? My immediate mental picture?
(If you’ve never watched an episode of Animaniacs, you don’t know what you’re missing).
Mindy: I believe you spoke to a colleague of mine (uh, yup…her name was Janice) a few days ago about our Young New Yorkers campaign. She said that you were going to look at our web site for literature on that?
Such a thing was never said…and when I think about looking up “literature” for a pledge drive, I envisioned some poor sap actually wrote a novel on soliciting for money…
Me: No, she never mentioned a web site. I just said I would need to some something on paper before I committed to any sort of pledge (which, inevitably, would be $0).
Mindy: Ah, well, here’s the thing with snail mail. It is one of our biggest expenses, so we are slowly turning more and more to electronic information. (So wait…you’re giving up a “big expense” to solicit a “big expense” from me?) Were you able to take a look at our website?
Honestly, Mindy, if Janice didn’t tell me about a website, why would I look at one? Oh, okay…NOW you’re just assuming I have ESP…that is SO rude, Mindy…
Me: No, I wasn’t informed about a website, so I didn’t look.
We then spent a great deal of time talking about the concert I had seen nearly 2 years ago…almost the same conversation I had with Janice, but Mindy used a bit more Catholic guilt on me:
Mindy: Well, that concert was only partially funded by the ticket price you paid. If you had sat through a concert with just the money provided by your $55 ticket, it would have ended at intermission.
No it wouldn’t have! I wouldn’t have bought a ticket for HALF a show, Mindy! Silly rabbit…
Mindy: Did my colleague speak to you about our Young New Yorkers program?
Me: Yes, she did…but I need to tell you, (AGAIN) I no longer live in New York City. (And therefore am NOT a Young New Yorker…I’m a Young Pennsylvanian)
Mindy: Well, we have many donors who live out of state! Any donation you might want to make, no matter how small, would really be appreciated.
Really?!? No matter how small? How about 5 cents?? Nay, I’ll be more generous…ten cents?!?
Me: Well, I would really need to read-up on the program via the website before I committed to anything, but if I feel so inclined, I will certainly get in contact with you.
Mindy: (hopefully getting the elephant-sized hint) All right, then….thank you so much for your time. You have a nice evening, ma’am!
Me: You too, Mindy! “Buh bye! I love you! Good bye!”**
** = yet another reference to that witty television classic, Animaniacs
My woe-is-me-day came to a close with me chuckling in my bath tub and watching the soap bubbles disappear, a bit more light-hearted and content with my lot. Life is a lot more entertaining when you keep humor as a priority!
RAC #14: Talked politely (AGAIN) to a telemarketer
Result: Addition of my name to the “DO NOT CALL” list, glass of red wine finished, bubble bath enjoyed