Public Service Announcement: Hanger Safety

As a service to the public and to the members of the Blog-O-Sphere, Miracle on 32nd Street will now regularly partake in selected Public Service Announcements.  It is an undertaking I feel will help alert the masses to hidden dangers lurking in unforeseen locations.  I have to believe that all time spent on this endeavor is no time wasted, and it is my fervent wish that you all will support me in this.


P.S.A. #1:  Hanger Safety

Mankind has long been the manufacturer of many products which have, inadvertently, become serious safety and health hazards.  Cars can swiftly transfer us from one destination to another, but traffic-related injuries are staggering.  Fires can keep us warm and prepare our meals, but our invented heat can scald as fast as it can boil.  Electricity illuminates our lamps, but can deliver a fatal shock in the blink of an eye.  And burritos, while satisfying and delicious, can wreak unfathomable havoc on our digestive systems.

Guacamole

I shouldn't have asked for that extra side of guacamole...

Photo by J-Cliff

Today’s P.S.A. highlights a lurking danger in millions of homes across America.  This danger lures many to employ it on a regular basis.  No…not Peanut M&Ms.  No…not DVDs featuring Pauley Shore.  The danger I speak of…are hangers.

Clothing

Approach with caution.

Photo by Manne-King

Nay, not airplane hangars…clothing hangers.  These seemingly harmless inventions are responsible for worldwide closet organization, but are also the harbingers of angst, frustration, and severe humiliation.  Don’t believe me?  Watch below and see for yourself:

Hangars: Man-Made Death Traps

Do you notice the fear and self-loathing in her eyes?  Do you see how she can barely look at me when I ask her questions?  And do you see the sheer humiliation in her face when she relegates herself back to her own crate?  This is madness, I say.  Utter madness.

I urge you to take special precautions when dealing with clothing hangers of any variety (yes, even the kinds that look like satin pillows…they are the most deadly):

Closet

Don't be fooled by their shimmery glow.

Photo from Only Hangars

Reckless behavior around these objects can result in gouged eyeballs, wrinkled clothes, trapped animals, and stolen vehicles.  Approach all hangers with extreme caution and do not provoke them.  Behavior specialists claim that hangers act favorably towards being hung on a suspended pole in a dark, secure area, and appreciate long, billowy layers of fabric on their beings.  Great attention to these details will ensure a safe household, and a safe America.

This has been a P.S.A., brought to you by Miracle on 32nd Street, in partnership with All Things Fnkybee and The Edmonton Tourist.  Safe living, America!

Hangars

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29 responses to this post.

  1. Poor Bailey! Attacked by the hangar :(
    You forgot one thing, Hangars can also cause shoulder nipples..and that’s not cool. Who wants to walk around with shoulder nipples. This can cause awful things. Scenario: You are sitting on a park bench reading a book, taking in the warm weather and the sun. The next thing you know you have this weird sense that someone is way to close to you. You slowly turn your head to find a complete stranger sitting next to you trying to cop a feel of your shoulder nipple. Complete pervert.
    This post was hilarious.
    And I hate hangars. Hate them. Especially when they get all tangled up together, it’s like torture to get them apart. That’s It! When someone is getting interviewed down at the station for a murder and they aren’t talking they should be given a box full of tangled hangars to organize. They will be talking in no time.
    AND Thank you for the mention! I am proud and honored to be in partnership with you on this matter!
    WORD. :)

    Reply

    • I just have to jump in here fnkybee and express my mutual loathing for shoulder nipples. Although I’ve never felt like one was stalking me.

      Reply

    • Shoulder nipples? Is this something I should Google?!? One sec…

      Oh my gosh…you would NOT believe the number of sites dedicated to shoulder nipples…even Urban Dictionary has one…

      So, you’re saying these should nipples can cause strangers to cop a feel? Hmm…have a bit of experience with this one, do we? ;)

      Thank you for helping to “partner” this PSA! Couldn’t have done it without your help and support!

      Reply

      • hahaha! Yep complete pervs will cop a feel…or even try to milk them. Perverts I tell ya! Sadly this happened to me one time. I mistakenly hung a sweater on a wire hangar and didn’t pay attention after taking it off and put it. I am sitting in the park with my kids one day and had that eerie feeling. I slowly turn my head and there is a perv trying to milk my shoulder nipple! I kicked him in the teeth and ran! ;)

      • Now, I REALLY want to see a pic of you kicking someone in the teeth. It’s a phrase often used, but I’ve never actually seen it happen! Make it so!

  2. roflmao!! poor Bailey!!! Hangers ARE deadly. They also make GREAT Advent Crowns (google “Blue Peter Advent Crown” if you don’t know what I’m talking about ;-) )

    Reply

  3. Haha! “the harbingers of angst”…I almost died (from laughter, not an angry hangar). Thank you for keeping America safe from terrorists, burritos, and -of course!- fatal closet accessories!

    Reply

  4. I am so glad someone brought awarenes to the fact that hangars are hazardess!
    It’s about time!
    Damnit no wire hangars!!!

    Reply

  5. I’m afraid I’m going to have to start shutting the laundry room doors at night! Yikes. Worst thing is…..our family is soooo outnumbered. They’re everywhere! Haha. Funny stuff!

    Bailey is sooo cute! Love her expressions.

    Reply

  6. I can assure you that the issue of dangerous hangars should not be taken lightly. And the problem doesn’t just apply to dogs. Why just last week my cat ended up hanging from a second floor window, straddles by a metal hangar, the flimsy hook clinging to the ledge. We can only assume that some bad cut got into our catnip.
    On another note, you have an interesting accent. Is that Minnesotan or something? ;-)

    Reply

  7. I wandered in to this site looking for vital safety information for those concerned with the storage of airplanes. Instead, I am subjected to a totally unrelated diatribe about closet implements. Where is the truth in advertising???
    p.s. I believe the wire/clothes variety are hangErs, not hangArs :)

    Reply

    • Pegs! Thank you so much for the spelling correction…I pride myself on good spelling, so I’m embarrassed to miss this oversight. It is being remedied as we speak.

      Airplane hangars, while I’m sure harbor some unknown lurking danger, are NOT the main focus of my article. If you would like to submit a topic for a PSA, please feel free to email me!

      Reply

  8. We definitely have to keep them from coming out of the closet.

    Reply

  9. Oh, my children are very cautious with hangers. So much so that they completely avoid using them all together. In the interest of safety, all clothing is organized into piles on the floor or stuffed into the closet. And I thought they were just being slobs.

    Reply

  10. Hahaha! Thank goodness I tend to leave laundry laying around. I thought I was being a bad housekeeper but I’m really just being safety conscious.

    Reply

  11. I can’t believe that Bailey never answered any of your questions. She must have been devastated. Maybe #4 could speak for her.

    “Do you understand why I am amused by your predicament, Bailey?”

    “No.”

    Reply

  12. Thanks for an excellent warning on this under-reported danger. Your beast is most certainly a brave soul to take those hangars on. I’m sure she was just protecting you.

    Reply

    • She does protect me from most intruders, and she serves as a great doorbell…whenever someone is at my door, she’s yapping her mouth off. She likes to multi-task!

      Reply

  13. [...] response to a recent post on this site, Aunt Bethany left a comment that really got me thinking. Here’s what she said: “One of the biggest [...]

    Reply

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